Viewing entries tagged
get what you want

6 Ways to Overcome Discomfort and Ask for What You Want

6 Ways to Overcome Discomfort and Ask for What You Want

Screen Shot 2018-06-22 at 11.36.13 AM.png

This is a reprint of the original article I wrote published by business collective here.

It’s tough to ask for what you want — but if you never ask, you’ll never receive.

As an entrepreneur, business builder and corporate ladder climber, I’ve had to get comfortable asking for what I want. It’s rarely given. The tough part is, as humans, we are typically uncomfortable not only in asking for what we want, but also how we ask for what we want. If I had a dime for every time I have been called aggressive, crazy, intense (or worse), I would have a lot of dimes. But I think about my personal motto:

Always ask for what you want. Always.
Screen Shot 2018-06-22 at 11.23.33 AM.png

About 7% of female MBAs attempt to negotiate vs. 57% of men.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Always ask for what you want. Always. 

You will hands down never get what you don’t ask for. This is especially true for women and people of minority backgrounds. There is much research that proves that we don’t negotiate enough. If we look at salaries alone, it’s imperative. In Linda Babcock’s book, Women Don’t Ask, she found that about 7% of female MBAs attempted to negotiate, compared to 57% of men from the same program.

  • Assume you might get it. 

When you remove the fear from your ask, you are more thoughtful, you consider how to make it a win-win, and you become less emotional.

Let’s discuss how you earn your seat at the table.

 
 

Practice Your Pitch

Nothing beats practice. Start small. A perfect example is my most recent trip to Belize: Every time I checked into a hotel, bought an excursion or paid for just about anything, I asked for a discount. What happened? Every single hotel (four over two weeks) upgraded us and gave us anywhere from a 10% to a 30% discount.

Never say, “I want more money.” This rubs me (and many people) the wrong way.

Don’t Come in Committed to an Outcome

Come with options, not outcomes. Instead of saying X amount, consider flex work, vacation, and/or a virtual assistant. Get creative with your asks.

Related:  Negotiate Like A Girl: Because You Can Get What You Want

Explain Why You Deserve It

Never say, “I want more money.” This rubs me (and many people) the wrong way. When an employee comes to me with this language, I immediately calculate the percentage change they are asking for and say, “What are you doing to earn 35% more money?” Rarely do they have an answer. Often, they didn’t even realize they were asking for such a big percentage increase. Back up your asks with facts and numbers. Say, “I did X, Y and Z and my plan for the coming months is to accomplish this and that. I think the work I am doing is worth more than I am currently making. So, I wanted to talk to you about a pay raise.” Then, don’t say anything. Your manager may be about to let you know you’re going to get a raise higher than your ask.

Screen Shot 2018-06-22 at 11.54.22 AM.png

Tell the why before asking for the what.

 

Put Yourself in Your Boss’ (Or Counterparty’s) Shoes

What are their goals, and how can you align yours with theirs? If you’ve ever been asked for a raise by an employee, you’d know that there is only so much you can do. How can you put yourself on the other side of the table? When I first negotiated to get time off for an MBA and had my first company out of school pay for it, I started with my small ask first and I aligned our goals.

Your manager may be about to let you know you’re going to get a raise higher than your ask.

I said, “I’m committed to having a long career here and believe I need to better my skills in international business for us to really succeed, so I want to go back to school while working. If I can find a way to do that won’t interfere with getting my job done, and I promise to beat out my goals every single quarter or I’ll quit school, would you be open to it?” He said yes. Then I came back once I got in and said, “If I can get Georgetown to cover X percentage of the cost and beat sales goals by X, would you sponsor me for the rest of my schooling?” He said yes. I was planning on offering a longer contract with the firm as well but I held back. He said “yes” to all my asks.

Screen Shot 2018-06-22 at 12.01.42 PM.png

Don’t Make the First Move

Making your “opponent” like you is worth its weight in gold. Smile, cajole, and appeal to their better instincts. My go-to line is, “You can’t blame a girl for asking, can you?”

Related: Don't Be Afraid to Ask for What You Want

If you are negotiating a salary or package with a new gig and the person asks you what you make currently, you don’t need to answer. You can say, “’Well, I’m flexible depending on how you structure compensation for the growth potential and the right company fit long term. Would you be willing to share the rough salary range you have in mind for this position?” If they push you, say, “This is really not something I give out broadly. Kind of like a woman never tells her age. Why don’t you tell me what your range is and I’ll let you know if that fits my range.”

Confidence is everything.

Confidence is everything.

Play Hard to Get

The one who wants it less wins. So even if you want a new job, client or raise so badly you would sell out your mother, pretend you don’t. Say you have a job offer you’re dying to take, and are about to quit your current job anyway. Reframe your mindset. They must negotiate to get the best deal for their company and you must negotiate the best deal for you. You can say, “I’m really happy in my current role and growing immensely. I’m always open to the right opportunity at the right company, but I’m not actively looking.” Remember playing hard to get? In my experience, this increases your perceived value, and makes them want you more.

Remember the commandments and you just might always get what you want.

XOXO,

Codie - Let's chat on instagram @codiesanchez

#1 Reason You Aren't Getting What You Want.

#1 Reason You Aren't Getting What You Want.

#soyoucangetit

 

My favorite homo-sapiens,

For those of you that aren't signed up for my Monday Slay Newsletter.. Here is a sample edition!his is my rant edition.. 5 bullets, no apps, all gold.

It hurts my heart, like literally makes it feel constricted in my chest. Do you know that feeling of tightness? What hurts me? Watching people I love, hell and people I don't know, meander unhappily through life. It is the norm not the exception. So many of us have every opportunity but for some reason stuff just doesn't seem to go out way, we don't get what we want, we're unhappy, and we eventually just settle into it. Wtf. So let's pretend you already know what you want (start small). A new job, more money, a crazy kinda love, or just a new car. How to get it? First - always always always always ask for what you want. BUT that is not enough it's in how you ask.

 

Here's my secret to usually getting what I want or even better what I need. 

 

Give First

Before I ever ask for something, I give. I abide by the 10x principle. I attempt to give 10x the value of anything I take. How to apply? Play the long game. Your next meeting/email with your husband, boss, potential employer bring something to them. Aka instead of... I'd like you to hire me email, do a little research on them and their company or an opportunity. If you want a gig at a salon, research their kind of ideal customer, put together a plan on how you are going to go after hipsters, with tattoos, between ages of 25-35 by partnering with a local tattoo shop in a hip neighborhood with a referral program, as well as through customer before and after client pics  with mustache cutouts and props like you see at weddings, that you'll tag on your blog and Facebook with your hysterical sense of humor. You're giving the salon a solution to a growth problem. How many others do that? NONE. I'd hire that hair stylist.

 

Before I ever ask for something, I give. I abide by the 10x principle. I attempt to give 10x the value of anything I take.

 

Specific Asks  

I'm not a big deal at all, and Even I get about 3-5 emails a day asking for help. Which I love. But if your email says, can you help me be successful, can you mentor me, can you teach me how you got to where you are. I'm calling you out. Why? It is SO not specific and all of our time is limited. Ask me instead something like, "I'm a writer I want to get published, where would you start?"

I have no idea what it means to be a mentor except to do your thinking for you. You could say I'd love to meet for coffee for 20min to get your opinion on how to better build my personal brand. I might still say no if you haven't given me something first. So better yet, come to me with an idea on how you can help me, that's how you actually get a mentor. 

Ask me instead, I’m a writer I want to get published, where would you start? I have no idea what it means to be a mentor except to do your thinking for you.

 

Get Curious

I have this magical tool that is so powerful it can do almost anything for you with one click.

Want me to share? It's called Google. (Hehe sarcasm apparent?) Before your meeting, google it. I just turned down two people who want to work on my team, why? I told them to come to me with a proposal on why I should hire them and they went to one of my team members to ask them for all the answers. Lazy and stupid. Of course, my employee is going to tell me. Surprise me with your intel, try to show me you actually want to work, don't just bother me or the person you want something from with "hey just checking in." Uh ok. Thanks? Instead send them intel they might not have. Prove your worth not your ability to pester. 

Surprise me with your intel, try to show me you actually want to work, don’t just bother me or the person you want something from with “hey just checking in.”

Meet 1 New Person A Week

Colton (are you reading?). Nothing like calling out your bro via email. I challenged him to try to schedule a meeting with one interesting random person a week. That's how I met Gloria Estefan, the President of Spain, was on Tv for Telemundo & People, hung w/ Wimhoff and Orlando Jones, more CEOs than I can name and the list goes on. I'm not special just process oriented. 

 

Be Brief

Finally - when opportunity strikes be the first to end the convo. Always. It's like a hot chick at the bar, leave her wanting more.

 

Love you animals,

Codie